My personal exp with certification... An anticlimax

Long long ago, when I first joined our wonderful FINANCE team, I heard there is something called DB2 700 certification. I never bothered to write a test after my engineering and so it goes without saying that I did not bother about this certification too.

It all started when my confirmation process kicked off. I realized that its time I do a certification. Then I started planning on when to write. “PLANNING” takes time… and it’s the best excuse for delaying things too ;-)

Being a lazy bum, and as procrastination is deeply ingrained in my blood (something I developed as an engineer), I always kept postponing it. True it is that I took DB2 700 book from JAVA pistoo Kumaran more than a year ago… and as per our pistoos order, I wrapped it with a neat cover and then… tucked it carefully in my draw… And yeah, I read the chapter names, mind you ;-)

Confirmation came by and went by and so I forgot about this certification. Slowly, I started noticing that lot of fellas in our team were taking the certification, but thanks to my supremely great indolence, I never picked up the book. And then came our goals for H2… there I saw something familiar and shocking too… DB2 700!!!
GOD!!! Its time to read again…

That day, after I went home, I searched in my draw for ‘THE BOOK’, but I don’t find one there! After searching for half an hour I gave up searching… (we were planning to go for a movie then) After a fortnight, yet another fella wrote the test. I went home again and this time determined to find the book, excavated the whole room and managed to find it among the debris. Yuppie! I found it!!! At least I don’t have to pay Kumaran now ;-)

And now comes the hardest part of it… Reading!!! Whenever I open the book and read a couple of pages I invariably fell asleep. Realizing that it will not work out this way, I devised another plan for reading… Read while watching TV or read while playing carroms in the room. This time on, I get caught up in some animated discussion and drop the book again. After trying different means and forcing different strategies upon myself I somehow managed to read 20 pages in one month… an achievement in itself. Pushing up my so called perseverance I completed one chapter finally after 3 months.

When I realized this is never gonna work out, I went to NIIT and scheduled my test with a hope that I will start reading seriously at least then. I went home straight after 6 and started reading book very seriously, as if I am going to write the test the very next day and… Naah… I hardly read 10 pages before falling asleep again.

This reading saga continued for 25 days and I was very happy that I read 50% of the protion… But when I look back, I forgot what I read… like Ghagini. I postponed my test too once… you know why… to watch one of Indian team’s greatest ever performance in ‘India – Srilanka’ world cup clash. Dejected, I cursed myself for that stupid decision of postponing the test…

And then the D-day has arrived… one day before test!!! Chapters completed – 4 out of 6. I was determined not to postpone test this time, though voices deep inside me compelled me to… Finally my will succeeded laziness and I completed reading all the 6 chapters. It was midnight 12:30 and then I call Subbu to inform him about my achievement. And Subbu in his trade mark style told me… Junk, read dumps… All questions come from dumps… I have been hearing this statement for a long time and never believed. Its no different this time…

Reluctantly, I started reading dump questions. Questions were pretty simple… one more reason not to believe in Subbu… why will such easy questions come in certification?

I was reading the document and did not know when I dose off. Next thing I remember… my alarm screams loudly and its 7 in the morning. I frantically read the rest of questions and headed to NIIT at scheduled time (9:00 sharp). And now comes the best part of it… the NIIT fella at test centre asks “Sir, when do you want to write the test”. I read the whole night just to write test in the morning and this bugger asks me on when I am planning to write!!! And then a wild thought came to my mind… why don’t I postpone the test and revise those chapters once before writing the test??? Luckily, I stopped myself from postponing the test once again and told him that I wanted to write the test right then…

I was directed to a room where I was asked to fill in some documents. And there I noticed one guy tensed, confused and hysterically reading some book. EXAM fever I thought!!! The funniest part is… he is reading the same 700 book. Tryst of fate, I thought…

Then, I was directed to the test centre and I start my test with lot of anticipation… and then came the first question… ‘Which of following are reasons behind using a View’

Options sound familiar too. This question is from dumps, I realized. Then came the second and third questions… ridiculous… same questions from dumps… obviously, those idiots are too lazy to change options even L I kept marking the answers and reached some 30 questions… I was damn bored of reading the same questions again. Then I noticed what the other 700 fella is doin… He was scribbling something on the pad and scratching his head… ‘definitely did not read dumps…’ I thought. Out of boredom and frustration, I marked options without even reading the questions. I had time to review my answers twice too!!!

The test was such an anti climax. I was so disappointed after seeing the same questions yet so relieved that I completed the certification. Result - 96%. Screwed up in Planning… and missed the rest 4%. Obviously, my memory deceived me! (nothing unusual ;-) )

And when I come out, I saw Shiny coming for the test. I asked “Did you prepare dumps” and the answer is “What dumps???” She either read too many dumps docs or has not read any…