I have become INSTITUTIONALISED

I hate sounding philosophical. So, before I plunge into the depths of introspection going in this five pound mass resting between my shoulders, lemme provide you a brief intro of what this shit is all about…

Not very long ago, when I started working with TCS, the crown jewel of India’s largest conglomerate-TATAs, I had everything a young and restless heart can ask for -A coveted brand name to walk with my head high in this status obsessed society, 15K in my pocket at the end of every month (coming straight from college, this was big money for me), a youthful, friendly FINANCE team that personified ‘FUN at work’, a mini-villa five minutes away from beach that I share with 7 other wonderful roommates, five hard days of work followed by two fun days to freak out… this list can literally go on for pages…

But, as with every so called software engineer, a mysterious discontent donned my heart – Onsite!!! I had very little chance of realizing that dream every other IT guy has... So, I searched for other options and then the idea of doing MS instantly caught my fancy… My acads have always been good and pretty freaky to hear. And with some conscious effort, I managed a decent score in GRE too. Deciding to try my luck, I applied for MS in good universities…

And now starts the real story ;-)

After a long wait, I started to hear back from those uniivs – those responses were candid, curt and painful REJECTS. After plethora of rejects, an admit came as respite for this worn out soul. This one was from a good university too.

With the feeling of accomplishment starting to sink in, I realized that its time I make the decision. Plenty of questions popped up in my mind… Is this idea of doing MS just a fancy I caught up with? Or is it simply a path I drafted to explore greener pastures? If so, is it really worth quitting my job? And more importantly, can I start my career all over again?

Am I frightened to take that step that would change my career and life forever? Am I simply ‘scared of change’? After some introspection and retrospection on the decisions I previously made in my life, I can confidently state - I am not the kind of guy to run away from change. I was probably a guy who always “embraced change”.

So, what’s stopping me this time? Here are my two excuses for now:

I started liking my job, especially because of the wonderful people I work with. True it is that my work is demanding and I work long hours, but you know what – FINANCE ROCKS!!! I formed a beautiful bond with my team (I’d rather call it a family) and I am probably too unwilling to detach myself from this family.

And more importantly, for the past 18 months, I have got very much used to what I call ‘easy money’ that magically refreshes my bank account at the end of every month. I have to confess that I am probably spoilt by the easy money my software job offers me and pampered by comforts money could offer. If I start all over again as a student, there would be no more easy money to shell out - Very funny and startling!!! And I might have to do some not very interesting jobs to earn my tuition fee. Well, this thought makes me feel jittery!!!!

These reasons, rather excuses, might appear quite ridiculous to you. But, the fact is that I have become ‘institutionalized’. I am now a pampered and spoilt soul. I feel too comfortable in this cocoon I am in… too comfortable to get out of it.

Well, going by pure logic, I should take this step. I should use this chance of a life time and MOVE ON. My mind says that I should go for it, but heart says that it’s nervous!!! Why am I so nervous? What the hell happened to my valor!!!

Its time! Its time to break free from the shackles of comfort I locked myself in. It’s gonna take some time, but I sure will not give in. After all, I am not destined to be a loser!!!

Wish you are here...

While i blissfully sleep in slumber
with my eyelids hugging each other
and the morning sun peeps into my window,
waking me as i refuse to get up...
I think of that cherubic smile on ur face.
I wish u are here...
I wish u are with me...

When i get vexed sitting infront of
my dumb PC programmed by some other dumbers
and take a break from this sedentary life,
I step out of the office
I feel that gentle breeze carrying your voice...
Reminding me of the times we spoke for hours...
I wish u are here...
I wish u are with me...

When the full moon brights up the night sky
and i lie there on beach gazing at the mystrious waves
while the stars mischeiviously splutter on the dark sea....
I remember those long walks holding hands....
And the blush on your face when i hold your hand...
I wish u are here..
I wish u are with me..

My personal exp with certification... An anticlimax

Long long ago, when I first joined our wonderful FINANCE team, I heard there is something called DB2 700 certification. I never bothered to write a test after my engineering and so it goes without saying that I did not bother about this certification too.

It all started when my confirmation process kicked off. I realized that its time I do a certification. Then I started planning on when to write. “PLANNING” takes time… and it’s the best excuse for delaying things too ;-)

Being a lazy bum, and as procrastination is deeply ingrained in my blood (something I developed as an engineer), I always kept postponing it. True it is that I took DB2 700 book from JAVA pistoo Kumaran more than a year ago… and as per our pistoos order, I wrapped it with a neat cover and then… tucked it carefully in my draw… And yeah, I read the chapter names, mind you ;-)

Confirmation came by and went by and so I forgot about this certification. Slowly, I started noticing that lot of fellas in our team were taking the certification, but thanks to my supremely great indolence, I never picked up the book. And then came our goals for H2… there I saw something familiar and shocking too… DB2 700!!!
GOD!!! Its time to read again…

That day, after I went home, I searched in my draw for ‘THE BOOK’, but I don’t find one there! After searching for half an hour I gave up searching… (we were planning to go for a movie then) After a fortnight, yet another fella wrote the test. I went home again and this time determined to find the book, excavated the whole room and managed to find it among the debris. Yuppie! I found it!!! At least I don’t have to pay Kumaran now ;-)

And now comes the hardest part of it… Reading!!! Whenever I open the book and read a couple of pages I invariably fell asleep. Realizing that it will not work out this way, I devised another plan for reading… Read while watching TV or read while playing carroms in the room. This time on, I get caught up in some animated discussion and drop the book again. After trying different means and forcing different strategies upon myself I somehow managed to read 20 pages in one month… an achievement in itself. Pushing up my so called perseverance I completed one chapter finally after 3 months.

When I realized this is never gonna work out, I went to NIIT and scheduled my test with a hope that I will start reading seriously at least then. I went home straight after 6 and started reading book very seriously, as if I am going to write the test the very next day and… Naah… I hardly read 10 pages before falling asleep again.

This reading saga continued for 25 days and I was very happy that I read 50% of the protion… But when I look back, I forgot what I read… like Ghagini. I postponed my test too once… you know why… to watch one of Indian team’s greatest ever performance in ‘India – Srilanka’ world cup clash. Dejected, I cursed myself for that stupid decision of postponing the test…

And then the D-day has arrived… one day before test!!! Chapters completed – 4 out of 6. I was determined not to postpone test this time, though voices deep inside me compelled me to… Finally my will succeeded laziness and I completed reading all the 6 chapters. It was midnight 12:30 and then I call Subbu to inform him about my achievement. And Subbu in his trade mark style told me… Junk, read dumps… All questions come from dumps… I have been hearing this statement for a long time and never believed. Its no different this time…

Reluctantly, I started reading dump questions. Questions were pretty simple… one more reason not to believe in Subbu… why will such easy questions come in certification?

I was reading the document and did not know when I dose off. Next thing I remember… my alarm screams loudly and its 7 in the morning. I frantically read the rest of questions and headed to NIIT at scheduled time (9:00 sharp). And now comes the best part of it… the NIIT fella at test centre asks “Sir, when do you want to write the test”. I read the whole night just to write test in the morning and this bugger asks me on when I am planning to write!!! And then a wild thought came to my mind… why don’t I postpone the test and revise those chapters once before writing the test??? Luckily, I stopped myself from postponing the test once again and told him that I wanted to write the test right then…

I was directed to a room where I was asked to fill in some documents. And there I noticed one guy tensed, confused and hysterically reading some book. EXAM fever I thought!!! The funniest part is… he is reading the same 700 book. Tryst of fate, I thought…

Then, I was directed to the test centre and I start my test with lot of anticipation… and then came the first question… ‘Which of following are reasons behind using a View’

Options sound familiar too. This question is from dumps, I realized. Then came the second and third questions… ridiculous… same questions from dumps… obviously, those idiots are too lazy to change options even L I kept marking the answers and reached some 30 questions… I was damn bored of reading the same questions again. Then I noticed what the other 700 fella is doin… He was scribbling something on the pad and scratching his head… ‘definitely did not read dumps…’ I thought. Out of boredom and frustration, I marked options without even reading the questions. I had time to review my answers twice too!!!

The test was such an anti climax. I was so disappointed after seeing the same questions yet so relieved that I completed the certification. Result - 96%. Screwed up in Planning… and missed the rest 4%. Obviously, my memory deceived me! (nothing unusual ;-) )

And when I come out, I saw Shiny coming for the test. I asked “Did you prepare dumps” and the answer is “What dumps???” She either read too many dumps docs or has not read any…

Farewell... A day I ld never forget

Farewell Day...(March 2005)

It finally dawned on me that I m gonna leave college very soon! All those pranks, silly SMSs, getting caught while sleeping in classes, those late night parties, bunking classes, those midnight chais, those one day preparations for externals... will only be memories!!! Those beautiful moments that defined campus life will eventually be MEMORIES! It all dawned on me and before I could realize, I started jotting down my thoughts.

And this is what I ended up with:

I will miss the time that we spend at the parkin lot
Playing pranks at others, this is where we enjoy a lot

I will miss our class on the top floor we seldom attend
Sending crap SMS s, listening to the lecture as we do pretend

I will miss those benches outside our ECE block
Coz here is all the mess we make

I will miss the sports room packed to full every day
Where we concentrate on every thing except the game we play

I will miss the canteen at lunch hour when the traffic is pretty tight
Where we decide over "Kaun kisko maarna hain site!"

I will miss those night-outs and midnight chais
When we wonder "Why do we have externals yaar!"

I will miss the late night parties we have on every occasion
When we ......... , I know I need not mention

Above all these, I will miss u my dear friends
And hope I still have one more year left in the college

This is a poem I dedicated to all my frens! No matter wherever you are, whatever u do...
--Keep Smiling,

Bahut senti hogaya tha, Sahi mein...

Hope this small poem has reminded u those sweet moments of your campus life. C ya soon....

-Keep Smiling ppl!!! Life's Wonderful!!!